Dating profile long walks on the beach

20-Nov-2019 14:45 by 4 Comments

Dating profile long walks on the beach - dating romance lake fork idaho

We’ll just push through and get to the point of this post.asked out on a date, and I go to my trusty free dating site. If it’s not, what I’m trying to say there is that I am metaphorically throwing my pole over my shoulder, thrusting it forward [God, it really has been a while, hasn’t it?

Some sick Pollyanna voice in my head tells me that one of these unread messages in my inbox could be the man who will change my future into a tandem-bike filled reverie.

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Should have been more suspicious when profile said likes long walks and bellyrubs. Cyoot puppehs and funneh goggies: I Has a Hotdog has 'em all!

This would be the paragraph where I explain why I need to resort to the lowly world of Internet dating.

I would first assert my status as a non-loser, rattle off my killer schedule that proves it’s impossible for me to meet people in real life, and try to differentiate myself from the masses of drooling losers who pay a month to have a computer set them up with a social reject like some sort of electronic shadchen.

We’ve already addressed the subject line; let’s cover some other topics.

: You are not looking for “the love of a lifetime”, or “someone to snuggle with in the winter”. One of you mentioned trying to fill a missing void, which came straight from the Department of Redundancy Department, but at least it’s on the right track. If your profile says you are 38 but your photo is clearly your “casual pose” from your high school Senior portrait session, I am going to assume you haven’t been attractive to humans since 1995. There is no way all of you prioritize “long walks on the beach” on your lists of interests.

: Don’t use the words “darlin'”, “sweetie”, “angel”, “lady” or any combination thereof. A week of reading these horrifying messages from men who spend two seconds putting their profile together, and I’m done. This is when I usually I remember that I like being single and having the freedom to surf the internet topless in the living room while eating Kit-Kats for dinner and listening to Mickey Avalon at top volume.

I will know you did not read my profile, because if you had, you would have gathered that I am none of those things. After all, the Internet is rife with sites that sell sex toys whose spelling abilities I could give two shits about.

Men who use these words without irony will not find my feminist theories endearing. Neither is “u hott”, “hit me up on IM” or “great tits”.

I’m thinking you should have at least three sentences in there, one about what you thought of my profile, one that makes me want to go to your profile, and one inviting me to make the next move.

*wink* So take an opportunity to sneak away with your hubby and enjoy a nice time alone to celebrate your relationship.

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