Push and pull strategy dating

25-Sep-2019 13:50 by 9 Comments

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Here’s a letter from Claire about this topic where she asks a question that is an extremely common relationship challenge …

I would love it if I can feel more connected to you again. ” The secret of ending the push-pull relationship drama (or shortening the time spent in it) is to be able to see what happens and rewrite how you speak and act when you’re in it.

This is a very primal urge from your old lizard brain that sees everything as a threat to your immediate survival.

It’s a pretty short-sighted view of your relationship and situation but that’s what many of us do repeatedly even when we know better.

With as much heart-felt calm as possible, you can ask this–“What would mean “some space” to you? We know that it can be difficult to bypass old habits but if you want to create more trust between the two of you, you have to listen–and it doesn’t mean agreeing.

If your partner just goes silent and pulls away for a considerable length of time, you can ask something like this (after you’ve calmed yourself)…

“Something’s wrong with us and I have to fix it right now.” Whatever your mind chatter is, recognize it, breathe and stop yourself from doing what you normally do.

You don’t have to pay attention to it or act on it.

I end up asking him “what’s wrong” numerous times and pushing him for some kind of response but all that does is make him withdraw from me even more!

What can I do to give him the space he needs but still feel a connection with him? Your question has to be as old as Adam and Eve and just as frustrating whether you’re the “pusher” or the “puller.” It’s pretty natural to start pushing when you sense that love is being taken from you.

If your partner has withdrawn from you and “wants some space” whether spoken or unspoken, as we said, it can be very frightening and cause you a lot of doubt and anxiety, even in a “committed” relationship.

We’ve found that a couple of simple questions to find out more can help the situation.

Most internet users in the US still have not used and aren't interested in using smart speakers to make purchases, according to an August 2019 survey conducted by e Marketer and Bizrate Insights.